Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
