Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
