I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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