Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
