Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
