and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize