I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
