the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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