watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
