I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
false alarm. still invincible.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize