ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
