she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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