Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
