she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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