Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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