my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well you can't waste a boner
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need moral support for this bender
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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