We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
