My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
