he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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