I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
