Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
