Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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