i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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