Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we're making bets on your personal life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
