I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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