He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
