So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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