OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize