They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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