I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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