I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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