i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
