looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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