I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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