I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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