last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
