just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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