and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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