WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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