The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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