can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
