I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize