I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's Friday. Sex?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We have started to decorate penises.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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