I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
