from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think your dad took our porno
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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