he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
