Im at strip club and am horny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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