drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
