The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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