This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
