he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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