OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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