she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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