She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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