It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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