I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize