I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
that is very illegal...i love you.
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