I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
