Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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