I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
