i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
