How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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