im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
