Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
