Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
