that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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