you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
