Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
