At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
