i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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