Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just threw up on my dentist
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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