Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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