he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
