I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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