I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
