the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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