I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
