just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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