Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
