Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
