It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
