it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize