I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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