Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
zippers are such a cool invention
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
