Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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