Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
