Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
