dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
