Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
