that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
