Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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