I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
