Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
