Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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