No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
