Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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