well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
