Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
