I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
