Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
