I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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