even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
