in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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