I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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